i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
