Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
