Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
