What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
