oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
