Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I skipped work to stalk him.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
