I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize