Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sarcasm needs its own font
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
