the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
