I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
