I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
