dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
