I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Randomize
