It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
