It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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