i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You may now shotgun with the bride
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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