First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
