i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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