I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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