do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize