Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
