I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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