So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
