Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
