"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Are we in a gay sports bar?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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