Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
