She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
