He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
