Duck Duck Cougar?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
