I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
