I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
