Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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