I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How's work?
Spinning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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