but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
