white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
