If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
