Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
