I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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