Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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