nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
