The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize