All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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