I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
