No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
