How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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