Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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