wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
