our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
