My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize