I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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