I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
