Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
