I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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