Me. At least after what I've been through.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
