I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
