i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
