I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
