did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
