You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize