Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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