i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
