the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
