I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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