i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
