My sheets look like a crime scene.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
