it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had to cum in my sink.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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